


The Sun In My Eyes

by Babybucky1943



Category: Marvel
Genre: 1940s, Bed wetting mentioned, Fighting, M/M, NO watersports though, Period Typical Language, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, admission to sexuality, minor punishment, slight urophilia implied
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29254704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babybucky1943/pseuds/Babybucky1943
Summary: Bucky and Steve explore very new feelings for each other.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES! You sit your bottom on that chair THIS INSTANT!" Winnifred Barnes swatted him across the seat of his jeans then glared her son into submission. She didn't often raise her voice but she had had it! 

He quickly dropped his ass onto the wooden chair, biting his lip. "Sorry, Mama," he whispered penitently, his ass stinging. Didn't matter if he was almost an adult. Ma was gonna make sure he knew when he'd done wrong. 

Winnie softened a little. Her oldest and only son was a good boy but he did have his moments. Too many lately. 

She shook her head in disappointment. "If Steve wants to fight, maybe you need to let him. Especially over a girl."

Bucky looked up at her. "Johnny said nasty things bout Sophie. Steve was defending her. I gotta go see him, mama."

Winnie sighed. "Son, you are a good friend. But you need to stop fighting. I think Steve needs some time to settle down." 

Winnie knew it wasn't easy being the only boy out of five children. Not having his father around didn't help either. George had passed away in an accident at the docks. That was before the girls were born, but Bucky had been ten. He remembered the horror.Since then Bucky's fighting had become too regular. She didn’t know if he was fighting because he thought it was ‘manly’ but it had to stop. 

It had been so hard to keep going after George was gone. She had five children to raise. It wasn’t a choice. Steve had become Bucky's closest friend shortly after the triplets were born. 

She was fortunate that Bucky still respected her enough to take a time out when he could just as easily have walked away. 

"No more fighting!" She reiterated as she eyed her boy. "Understood?"

He nodded his dark curls eagerly. "Yes Ma."

Bucky knew he was in trouble. It was really all Steve's fault. 

_ He'dclenched his fists, his bony wrists flexing. “You better believe I’m gonna fight,” he spit out at the bigger boy swaggering into the alley.  _

_ Bucky had just come around the corner and taken a deep breath. Third time this week. Ma was not gonna be happy. They’d just left the youth meeting and Steve was in trouble again.  _

_Johnny Cramer laughed loudly. The seventeen year old had a good two feet and a lot of_ _muscle on the skinny sixteen year old blonde. “All I have ta do is breathe on ya to knock ya down! Rogers, you ain’t got nothin! An' I don't see your fag friend neither!”_

_ Steve’s face turned red with anger. "You leave Bucky out of this! This fight is about knowing how ta treat a lady! Sophie Hoskins ain’t to be made fun of again! And Bucky ain’t a fag!”  _

_ Johnny sneered. “Yeah y’are! You’re a coupla fairies!” _

_ Steve got a good punch in but Johnny shrugged. “Ya even punch like a fuckin’ fairy!” He landed a punch on Steve’s chest, knocking the smaller boy down, opting to go back to the original argument. "Sophie's got a dog face."  _

_ Steve bounced back to his feet, rushing at his opponent again. His fists connected but Johnny laughed all the louder. Steve threw a punch at Johnny's face.  _

_ Johnny yelped and then roughly pushed Steve into the garbage bins. "You fucking fag! You made me bleed!" _

_ Bucky started forward knowing already that Steve would be pissed that he was coming to his rescue, but this was going to end badly. _

_ Steve was gasping but it didn't stop him from trying to win the fight. "You leave Sophie alone!"  _

_ "You can't stop me!" Johnny growled.  _

_ “I can,” Bucky said, interrupting the fight. _

_ Johnny whirled to find himself looking into the unimpressed face of one Bucky Barnes.  _

_ “Rogers’ girlfriend!” He jeered, still aching for a fight. He never had learned when to back down.  _

_ He threw a punch at Bucky hitting him on the jaw.  _

_ That’s all it took for Bucky to throw a hard left hook and Johnny went tumbling back, groaning amid the mess of garbage bins scattered everywhere now.  _

_ Bucky pulled Steve to his feet. “Always gettin’ yourself in trouble, Rogers.” He tsked before grinning at Steve. “If you’d ‘a waited, I woulda pummelled him for ya. Sophie was real impressed you stood up for her.” _

_ Steve sighed, feeling blood drip down his chin from a cut lip. “I coulda taken him.”  _

_ “I know,” Bucky agreed. “But it was downright therapeutic to punch that bastard.” He was well aware of Steve’s desperate desire to be strong and seen as a man and it drove him to do so many stupid things. Wasn’t his fault he was kinda sickly.  _

_ "He called you a fag," Steve grumbled. "Wa'n't gonna let him say that 'bout you." _

_ Bucky shrugged. "He's just jealous of you." He'd walked Steve home promising to be back in a few minutes. He had to run home and get his things.  _

He sighed.Usually Ma just told him to stop. He was sure Mrs. Rogers woulda made him and Steve stand with their noses in a corner for twenty minutes if she was home. That was why he was going to Steve's. He usually stayed over when Steve's ma worked the night shift. They were really gettin too old for punishment but he knew his ma and Mrs. Rogers didn't share that opinion.

Their mothers did not hold at all with them fighting even if it was against bullies.  
Winnie studied her son as he obediently served his time out on the wooden chair. 

Bucky was such a sensitive soul. Winnie was glad he had a good friend in Steve Rogers. They were inseparable those two. Unfortunately that also meant they got up to all sorts of trouble. 

Maybe as young children the fighting could be overlooked but Bucky was seventeen now. Steve was sixteen. It was time to stop acting like kids and start acting like decent young men. "Bucky, you're not five anymore. You need to stop. People talk." She was doing her best.

Bucky silently studied his fingers. He knew what people were saying. 

When he didn't respond, Winnie ruffled his curls and turned to the dinner cooking on the stove. She blamed herself. She should have remarried.Instead she had found a close friend in Sarah Rogers and they had struggled through life together.   
It was fortunate for Winnie that George had left a sizeable inheritance from his father behind. 

He had whispered his last words to her on his deathbed, pressing a silver key into her palm. “Under our bed.”She'd been far too distraught to understand at the time, but now she was thankful that she could provide for her children. The locked box held enough to see them through if she was careful. 

"Ma? May I go?” He asked cautiously, interrupting her thoughts. 

Winnie sighed then nodded.

  
He escaped to his room where he let out a long low breath. 

A soft knock made him turn and open the door a crack. Becca motioned for him to let her in. 

Bucky stepped back and let his fourteen year old sister enter. 

They'd spent a summer and fall at their grandparents farm, when their ma was sick carrying the triplets seven years ago, Becca had become his best friend beside Steve. 

It had always felt like it was the two of them against the world. Grandpappy and Nana had kept them fed and clothed that first few months even after the triplets were born. They'd spent a lot of time at that farm. Between Bucky's fertile imagination and Becca's energy they'd had endless entertainment. 

"Ma caught you fighting again?" She asked softly.

Bucky pointed to the bruise on his cheek. "She saw this. I weren't gonna lie to her."

Becca softly touched the mark. "Did you lick him good?" 

Bucky grinned then winced as pain shot through his jaw. "Johnny ain't gonna bug us again right away."

"Good," Becca giggled. "He's a fucking bully! Cant believe he said that about Sophie. She maybe ain't beautiful but it ain't her fault.”

"Don't let ma hear you cuss," Bucky laughed softly. 

Becca giggled again. "I won't." She sobered. "Bucky," her voice was hesitant. 

He focused on her, wondering at her tone. "What?"

"I heard Gwen's mama sayin' somethin' bout you and Stevie." 

Bucky tried to stop the immediate blush that coloured his cheeks.   
Fuck! He'd hoped that particular piece of gossip would peter out before anyone in his family heard it. 

Now that Becca was old enough to be part of the young people's group that hung out on Saturday nights, she heard a lot more. 

He tried for nonchalance. "Yeah?"

Becca blushed too, and looked down, chewing her lip nervously. "Ain't true, right?"

Bucky purposely evened his breathing. "What do you think?" He put a bit of heat behind his words. She couldn't know. Ever. These feelings for Steve were his alone. He knew what happened to men who liked other men. 

Becca's brown eyes studied his intently before she hugged him tight. "You goin' ta Steve's?"

He nodded. "Mrs Rogers is working." 

Becca looked anxious. "Bucky, be careful." 

He tried to pretend it was concern for him getting hurt in fights but he felt keenly that Becca had a suspicion. Damn his stupid hormones. "I will." He kissed her forehead and watched her walk to her own room. He started stuffing some things in his knapsack, eager to see Steve. 

Bucky had met Steve that same fall after the triplets were born. His ma had taken a break from her regular shifts at the hospital and come to help Bucky's ma with the triplets for a few weeks. 

It had been like having a brother and Bucky was enamoured.The 'other' feelings hadn't started until a few years ago.

_Bucky and Steve were inseparable. Everyone knew that._

_ If Steve had to go home after school, Sarah Rogers could be sure that Bucky would be there too.  _

_ If Winnie needed Bucky to go to the grocery store, Steve tagged along, helping to carry the stiff paper bags to the Barnes' brownstone.  _

_And of course, the fights. Bucky could attest that Steve got into a lot of fights. He just couldn't ignore any injustice. So, by association, Bucky was always punching people for Steve._

_ This caused Winnie and Sarah no end of agitation. The boys were always duly punished for fighting but it didn't stop Steve from calling bullies out. Bucky was glad he'd been close by.  _

Bucky sighed and sat on his bed.The gossip about him and Steve had started a couple weeks ago.He'd held Steve's hand for a few moments too long after steadying him and Mrs. Cramer had seen it.  


She had made it her place to watch all the young people and report any untoward shenanigans. He knew it was her that started that piece of trash gossip. She was the biggest busybody in the neighbourhood. He guessed that was where Johnny's accusations had stemmed from.

He was trying not to think about how Steve's hand had felt in his. Small but so different from a girl's hand.He grimaced as he felt himself firm up. Not now!! 

Bucky had been taught since he was twelve that touching himself was wrong; so he tried not to. It wasn't easy when his willy would get so hard it almost hurt. Usually it happened when he thought about Steve. He had to distract himself. He breathed deeply, willing his erection to subside. 

Once it had, Bucky ambled back to the living room. "Ma? I'm off to Steve's." He swung his knapsack over his shoulder. 

Winnie looked up. "Bucky.... maybe you should stay home tonight." 

Bucky huffed out an impatient breath. "Why?"

Winnie hesitated. She'd also heard the gossip. She didn't for one moment believe it but she didn’t want her son to feed into it. The thought of him liking Steve in "that" way scared her. Was it because she had raised him alone? He hadn't had a father and other than the priest at church; Bucky had very little contact with men. She knew that if Shawna Cramer saw Bucky leave now it would keep it going. 

Bucky shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "Mama, please? Sarah is working tonight and Steve got socked across the head. I don't think he should be alone."

Winnie heaved a deep sigh. "Oh my son. Fine. Go. And take this bowl of soup to the Rogers." She handed him a warm bowl of soup and a bag with two crispy loaves of bread. "Will you be home in time to go to mass with us?" 

He concealed a shudder of dislike. He wished he didn't have to go to church. Ma ALWAYS insisted he be polite and give the priest the customary kiss to the hand. 

Father Walsh's hands always smelled of tobacco and garlic. When he would stroke Bucky's hair he felt strange. He always felt like the priest could read his dirty thoughts, but he knew ma needed help with the little girls.

Bucky nodded. "I'll be home by eight to help." He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Love you, mama." He quickly left before she could change her mind. The knapsack held his good clothes because Mrs. Rogers would be sure to make them bathe before church tomorrow and he had dinner for him and Steve!

He loved spending time with Steve.He felt a moment of anger when he saw Mrs Cramer watching out her front window. She had no real basis but the guilt over his feelings made him feel bad. Not bad enough to stay home however! He hurried the seven blocks to the apartment block in Flatbush. 

The cramped apartment always seemed cheery even when Steve was grouchy, which he was; having a headache from his recent beating.   
He set the soup and bread on the counter then examined Steve's black eye with gentle fingers. "Stevie, why'd ya go and pick on Johnny Cramer? He was just blowin hot air. You know that." 

Steve shrugged. "Ain't fair ta Sophie."

Bucky tsked then set about making some tea for Steve.Mrs Rogers always gave him chamomile tea to help him relax. 

When the kettle boiled, Bucky poured the scalding water over the tea leaves and yellow buds until the cup was full. "Just gotta let it steep a few minutes." 

He turned to Steve, taking in his beautiful blue eyes. Bucky wanted to hold him;to kiss those pretty lips.He shook himself a bit. It was getting harder to resist those thoughts.  
Guilt and desire were evenly matched. He was so bad. It was so so bad to have feelings like this but he didn't know how to turn them off. He should deny himself; but he didn't want to stop thinking about Steve or stop being around him.  


He knew if Father Walsh would ever find out that he would be flogged and possibly thrown in jail. He wasn't a child anymore.He wondered if the men down by the docks last week struggled like this? It gave him pause. Maybe he wasn't alone in his struggle. Once again his traitorous dick started to stir. 

He quickly pulled his thoughts away from the subject of sex. 

He realized Steve had hardly said a word since Bucky had seen him home. He still wasn't talking now.

Bucky set the tea in front of him after straining out the leaves and adding a dollop of honey."What's wrong Steve? Headache?"

Steve nodded taking a tentative sip of the tea. 

"You're lucky your ma was at work. I got put in the corner for twenty minutes for fightin'." He gave a self deprecating snort. "At least Johnny will have a black eye too." 

Steve sighed deeply and sipped his tea."Buck...."His words seemed to dry up and he sipped his tea again. 

Bucky felt an uncomfortable anxiety settle into his gut.What was wrong? Maybe it wasn't just the fight that had Steve all upset. "What?" He asked thinly.

Steve stared into his tea as if it might have the answers. "That...that stuff Johnny said about you... I heard the gossip but-"

Bucky's cheeks grew hot. He'd been called a fag before but not when the gossip was already flying. 

Was Steve bringing it up because he wanted the truth?? He and Steve had whispered about this topic in Bucky's room after the incident down at the docks. 

_ Bucky had walked around a corner and seen two men kissing in the dark a week or so ago.They'd parted immediately and Bucky had quickly walked away. He'd told Steve about it when he and Sarah came for dinner though. He didn't know why it felt so good to talk about it. He should just forget about it. Bucky had hidden his hard on under the quilt.  _

_ Bucky had whispered very quietly that he thought maybe he was like them.He didn't really want Steve to hear him but he had. He'd stared at Bucky for a few minutes but he hadn't said anything much to Bucky's admission. Just frowned in thought.  _

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he frowned at Steve's bruised cheek and black eye. He really wasn't ready to talk about this. 

"Your ma is gonna have words," he said, stroking a soft finger over the bruises and pointing at the bloody shirt.  
Mrs. Rogers was as sweet as pie but she didn't take no nonsense from either Steve or Bucky. Gosh, she'd swatted him across his backside  _hard_ the other day because he swore when he hurt his knee. 

"Now what would your mama do if she heard you talkin' like that?" She'd asked, hands on her hips. 

"She'd prob'ly swat me too," he conceded, his roguish grin making her smile. 

She was as much a Ma to him as his own mother. He'd had to stand in the cornerfor fighting right alongside Steve many times. Just like his own ma, she didn't stand for no fightin' or cussin. When Steve cussed too just to be a jerk they were both stuck with their noses in a corner like kids. She told them if they wanted to use bad words, they could be punished. Being in the corner together was always kinda fun though.

"I better patch ya up ‘fore your Ma sees.” Bucky moved the empty teacup. 

Steve gave a non-committal grunt. “She’s workin’.” 

Bucky shrugged as he carefully bandaged Steve's skinned knuckles and washed his face as clean as he could without causing too much pain. 

He helped Steve change his shirt and tried not to gasp at the dark bruising on his back from falling against the garbage bins. "Rest, Stevie. I'll get some dinner warmed up." He washed the bloody shirt in the kitchen sink, hanging it on a hook to dry. He put the soup in a pot on the stove to heat.

Steve cleared his throat. "Buck... About Johnny."   


Damn Steve's stubbornness!! Maybe he could distract him again. 

“Stevie, you still hurtin? Didn't the tea help?" He knew that pinched look. 

Steve’s independent streak immediately came out. “I’m fine, Buck. Just don’t worry ‘bout me none. Okay?”

Bucky leaned against the cupboard, ankles crossed. Steve obviously wanted to talk about what Johnny said but it made Bucky's stomach hurt. “Can’t help it. You’re too fucking stubborn to take care of yourself. Someone’s gotta do it.”

Steve’s lips tilted slightly in a humourless smirk. He shrugged. “Whatever. What ya wanna do? The girls all went off with others.”  


Steve's look made Bucky squirm. He was going to get his answers one way or another.

Bucky grinned, trying to play it cool. “You can be my damsel in distress, I guess. Seein’ as how I rescued ya and lost my chance at a date with Lola Everett.”

Steve snorted in contempt. “Lola Everett ain’t never even looked your way, ya punk."

Bucky laughed outright. “Ain’t for lack o’ tryin’!” 

Steve had to chuckle. “Funny she ain’t noticed ya then.” In a quieter voice he added, "An' I ain't no damsel, Barnes." 

Bucky sighed slightly. “I’m kidding. I don’t wanna date Lola anyway. You know that.” He might as well bring it up or Steve would. 

Steve’s eyes widened and flew to Bucky’s face, pain forgotten. Finally! He wanted to know where Bucky stood on this issue!

The conversation from the other night had been something Steve had chewed on for several days. 

The tension in the room heightened and neither boy said anything for a long while. 

“Ya think...” Steve finally whispered. “Ya really think you might be queer? Why?” Steve's eyes were dark with interest and..... 

Bucky looked away, staring at the plank floor, memorizing every well worn groove. He knew he could trust Steve. That wasn't the problem.   
  
Every one of his fantasies passed through his mind.“I dunno exactly,” he said softly. “I just get feelings when I’m around other... other guys. Sometimes.” He squirmed uncomfortably, his facehot. The reality of saying it out loud was highly embarrassing. 

Steve’s face was curious but not judgemental. “You can tell me, Buck,” Steve said softly. He thought back to Johnny Cramer's words. Did Bucky think about men that way all the time? So he said it out loud.

Bucky shrugged. “Not always. But it makes me feel ... good. Just get kinda hot and feelin’ good.” He didn't know how else to put it. 

“Like....sexy....good?” Steve whispered, eyes almost glowing with excited curiosity. 

Bucky blushed. “Well, yeah... kinda." He felt his already interested dick get hard and blushed even harder.   
Bad bad bad!!! He wasn't supposed to play with his Johnson _ever_ and here was Steve askin questions and lookin' cute. Bucky thought he might actually pass out. Damn. He hoped Steve wouldn't notice. 

Steve giggled a little. “Have ya ever ....touched...another man, Buck? When you're not punchin' him out?” He added quickly. 

Bucky went impossibly redder. “Steve!” He hissed. If anyone caught them talking they'd be in deep crap! He wanted to grab the front of his pants and hide his stiffy. 

Steve fell silent for a moment. “Jus’ wondered.” He was looking at Bucky, his eyes travelling the length of his body. 

Bucky didn't know how to respond. So many feelings were racing through him. Now he was really hard and it hurt because he was pressed against the zipper of his pants. 

What if he was honest? He opened his mouth to say something. But...... If he said the wrong thing he would lose Steve and he couldn't live with that. Although, now that he thought about it, Steve's eyes didn't look repulsed. He looked like he wanted to devour him. 

“Because,” Steve said, a tad strangled, “I think I might be queer too.” He dropped his eyes to his lap, twisting his fingers anxiously.

Bucky’s mouth opened but no words came out. He tried not to stare at Steve’s red face. Steve?? Queer?? He thought that over for a bit. “Why do ya say that, sweetheart." Bucky flinched as the pet name slipped past his lips. He'd never called Steve sweetheart out loud. 

Steve didn't seem to notice however. His voice was barely a whisper. “Because.... I-I'm pretty sure. I feel...things, too." He screwed his face up determined to get this out. "Also when I’m ....when I’m with y-you, I feel things. Se-sexy.....things.” He covered his burning face. 

Bucky could hardly comprehend what Steve had just told him. His erection strained at the front of his pants and he wanted to hide. Steve always was the more straightforward one between them. 

He finally found his voice, when Steve looked around uncomfortably, carefully avoiding Bucky’s face. 

“Hey, Stevie, it’s alright.....ya feelin’ that way, I mean.”

“I just wrecked everythin’ between us didn’t I...” Steve said miserably.

Bucky’s crooked grin surfaced. “Nah. Don’t be thinkin’ that. I feel like that around you too. Jes....don’t tell your ma!!” 

“I’m not stupid!” Steve burst out. “Geez!” He glared at Bucky, the adrenaline over sharing his secret had turned into relief and made him a little churlish. 

Bucky didn’t take it personally. He walked over and put his strong, tanned hands on Steve’s bony shoulders, his long fingers pressing just enough to be soothing. “I know ya wouldn’t.”  


Steve stood up, placing one of his hands over Bucky's on his shoulder. "You feel sexy good when you're around me?" Steve asked softly.   


Bucky nodded. "Have been for awhile now."

They shared a long hot look and then Bucky leaned forward hoping this was what Steve wanted. Their lips touched for just a second and it was amazing. He went in for another kiss when they both heard a key in the lock. 

Sarah Rogers wearily unlocked the apartment door, unsure wether Steve would be home or at the Barnes' house. Steve loved it there. The noise, the joking and laughter. She didn't blame him.

She opened the door and looked up to see Steve and Bucky in close proximity, their faces red and looking very guilty. 

Bucky was holding Steve's hand but quickly dropped it like it burned him and tried to step back nonchalantly.

Steve's face was bruised. Again. That boy!!

Sarah wordlessly looked between the two of them trying to read what had happened. "Hi boys. What were you doing?" She asked, her voice tired. She also spotted Bucky's "problem" and tried to ignore it. Boys were apt to do that. She was a nurse. It wasn't the first time she'd seen it. She knew Steve had issues with it. Didn't bother her too much though. 

"I got inta 'nother fight," Steve said softly. "Bucky was helping me get cleaned up." 

"Steven Grant Rogers," Sarah exclaimed. "You ought to be paddled!"  
That would explain things. Fighting and adrenaline led to those sort of reactions. 

She carefully took Steve's face in her work worn hands and examined the bruise with a practiced eye. "Nothing looks broken." She frowned. "I ought to make you stand in the corner for half an hour but frankly, I'm too tired."

Bucky had finally found his voice again. He couldn't believe how close they'd come to getting found out!! As he and Steve had brushed lips, they'd heard the doorknob turn and jumped apart.

"Sorry Mrs. Rogers," he said. "I tried to get there 'fore he got hurt. I did! But; you know Steve." He sighed dramatically. He felt Sarah had seen much more than he was comfortable with. He needed to distract her.  
"I was fightin' too." 

He turned wide innocent eyes on her and she shook her head knowing full well he was far from innocent."I'm sure you did. You can both go stand in the corner!" Her voice was tempered with a trace of humour. 

"Ma a'ready gave me a time out," Bucky protested. 

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Go." 

Both boys obediently went to their corners. 

Once she left the room they smirked at each other. 

"That was close," Bucky whispered softly. 

Steve nodded. There was something very intimate at knowing the secret they shared now. 

Sarah changed her clothes and then came back out. "Alright. Come sit with me, boys."

Both boys sat on the floor at her knees. 

She stifled a sigh. "Tell me what started the fight."   


Steve lay it out for her. "He called Sophie a dog an then he called me an Buck fairies."

The sigh escaped. "I don't like those words. Please don't be using them. You can say queer."

"Jus tellin you what he said," Steve mumbled.   


Sarah ran a hand over Steve's blonde locks. "I know." Should she ask about why the words had been used? 

"You're home early," Steve said suddenly . "Everythin' alright?" He coughed and winced, leftover symptoms of his cold last week. 

Sarah smiled wearily. "Just tired.The ward has been busy with the usual seasonal rise of TB. Laurie came in early and told me to go home." 

Bucky moved to sit on the arm of the sofa, thoughts of being caught, fleeing in the face of Sarah's weariness. "You alright, mama Rogers?" He knew she was supposed to work till midnight. It was barely six. He put an arm around her thin shoulders and hugged her. 

She patted his hand. "I just need some dinner and some sleep."

Bucky nodded. "Ma sent some beef soup for dinner. It's heatin' on the stove and there's fresh bread too."

"Your mama is an Angel," Sarah said.She patted both boys' shoulders and got up to set the table. 

A few moments later, the three sat down to eat. 

Bucky cracked jokes and was silly just to see Sarah's face light with a smile. She looked less tired. Bucky was glad! Sarah worked so hard. He wished he could help more. He cracked another joke and Sarah chuckled but it was mostly to hear Steve laugh.

  
He loved Steve's laugh. If he could spend the rest of his life doing it, he'd be happy. 


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky decided not to stay since Sarah was home. The delicious temptation of being together was far too great and he probably would want to crawl _into_ bed with Steve! They'd never shared a bed to this point but Bucky had dreamed about it.   
"I'll see ya tomorrow at mass, then?" He asked.   
  


Sarah nodded. "Most certainly. Steve clearly needs to hear the message again." She smiled at her son. "So much like your father."   
  


Steve waved at Bucky. "See ya."  
When Bucky had gone he looked at his ma. "What was pa like?" She rarely brought up his father. Steve figured it was probably painful. They had been very much in love and had been married only a short time before the war started and he'd gone to fight, never to return.   
  


Sarah's eyes filled with tears. "You have his stubbornness and his sense of justice. He was good and kind like you. He was never the artist though. That was on your grandmother's side of the family. However, he also said fighting isn't going to solve problems." She wanted to get to the bottom of the fight today. 

He shrugged. "Wa'nt gon' let Johnny get away with saying those things about Sophie." He then added quietly, "and Bucky."

Sarah studied her son. The scarlet pinpoints of embarrassment that spread into a pink flush over his cheeks said more than his words did.

She wasn't naive enough to think all this was from having his best friend called a fag or a fairy. She'd heard the gossip as well. Things like that flew through the communities pretty quickly. She had suspicions of her son's proclivities. 

One thing Sarah didn't do however, was judge how Steve felt. There were many factors in what might make her son feel things for Bucky that were deeper than a platonic friendship.   
"Sonny, are you still upset about what Johnny said?"   
  


Steve shrugged his thin shoulders. "He was so mean." He knew hate was wrong. He shouldn't hate Johnny for being a bully but he _strongly_ _disliked_ him

A sudden coughing fit stopped the conversation. He was trying to get over this cold but it seemed to hang on. Add his asthma to that and it was always a struggle. He gasped for breath, hating that crushing weight of trying to get enough air.

Sarah held him gently until the spasm passed and he could breathe again. "I think it's time you went to bed. You're still not over this cold and your body needs rest." 

Steve sighed right from his toes. "I know. Ma? Can we go to Bucky's after mass tomorrow?"

Sarah didn't even hesitate. "We can, baby." She wanted Steve to spend time with Bucky. They might get into trouble but they were still good for each other.   
That and Winnie had asked her last week already if she wanted to come tomorrow and then Steve could stay and visit so that she could rest. Now that she was home early enough for a good night; she could enjoy a much needed visit with her best friend. "We will walk home with them," she promised. 

Feeling happiness engulf him; Steve went to bed without further protest. He didn't fall asleep immediately, however. Thoughts of Bucky made him reach down and cup himself through the thin cotton of his drawers. Sometimes he could get fully hard. Just took awhile. However, thinking of Bucky often did it. His breathing became raspy and he stopped. If he had another coughing spell, ma would surely wanna know why.

  
The next morning, Steve had a quick bath and then got dressed in his Sunday clothes. The white shirt was starched almost stiff enough to stand on its own. He pulled on his pants, then snapped his suspenders into place. He was excited to go to the Barnes' place. He and Bucky always had fun and after yesterday, he hoped they could spend a bit of time alone. Not always easy to do in a houseful of nosy girls. 

Sarah and Steve walked the short distance to the church and joined the line of people entering. Father Walsh greeted them cordially. 

The church smelled of candle wax and perfume, which made Steve's nose itch. He didn't want to sneeze here!!! The rustling of skirts and the tapping of Sunday shoes on the floor could be heard as people found their places. Soft greetings were passed around.   
  


Steve spotted Bucky in their pew. He was trying to keep his three little sisters under control. 

He slid into the pew beside Bucky. "Hi," he whispered. At least Mrs Barnes didn't wear the strong perfume that some of the snobby ladies did. He always got a headache any time Mrs Brackey came by in her black taffeta and ridiculous hats. He figured she had to be about a hundred years old. 

Bucky gave him a little smile. "Hey." He pulled Keira onto his lap. "Sit nice," he warned in a low tone. The seven year old made a face but settled down. 

Kayleigh came to Steve shyly and patted his lap. He pulled the little girl up and helped her get comfortable.   
He tried not to be too envious of Bucky. Having siblings seemed so lovely. Of course, he knew it wasn't always so wonderful. He was just glad that he knew the Barnes' family. 

Mass always seemed endless to the boys but they sat stiffly, waiting to be done and let go into the sunshine. The triplets fidgeted every now and then but a quick pinch on the arm from Bucky did the trick. 

Finally the closing words were uttered and the customary greetings given. Steve hurried out of the stuffy church with Bucky hot on his heels. His head ached but the fresh air would cure it right quick.

Sarah walked with Winnie and held Kiera's hand. Krista's hand was firmly tucked in Winnie's. Kayleigh skipped happily ahead with Rebecca. The triplets were still a handful. It was good that Winnifred had a responsible son and daughter to help.  
She looked at her friend in concern. Winnie looked tired, like something was weighing on her. "Are you alright?"

Winnie smiled and nodded. "I'm looking forward to a visit."

Sarah nodded. It had been probably two months since they'd had a good talk. "You know you can talk to me about anything." 

Winnie nodded. "I know. Thank you. I worry about our boys." 

Sarah nodded in agreement. She smiled at her son's pure enjoyment of being with Bucky.

Steve laughed as Rebecca and Kayleigh teased Bucky into a short foot race for a block. He wished once more that he could be a part of a family like this. He wished mama could have given him a brother. He wished he'd had a pa growing up. He shrugged off the gloomy thoughts. He was so thankful for a ma who worked hard and a friend like Bucky. 

Bucky came back to Steve after beating both girls, not even out of breath. "How'd you sleep?" He asked, his voice laced with concern. "You took quite a beating yesterday. And I know you're still coughing too."

Steve glanced into his handsome face having a desperate desire to smooth back the riot of curls that refused to stay in place. "Will you just stop worrying, Barnes?" He laughed to cover his blush. "I slept with my eyes closed."

Bucky giggled at that. "Yeah. Me too. You're alright though?" The concern was still prevalent. 

Steve nodded, feeling warmth curl up from his belly in a sweet embrace. He protested it out loud but he liked that Bucky cared. 

At the Barnes' brownstone the eight of them converged on the kitchen to sit around the large table, stomachs rumbling as smells of succulent roast beef, potatoes and gravy assaulted their senses. 

Rebecca helped Winnie dish things up and lined the centre of the table with the delicious meal that had been cooking in the oven since seven that morning. 

Steve ate probably more than he should have, groaning a little when Mrs. Barnes brought out a beautiful cherry pie for dessert. 

Once lunch was done, the triplets were put to the task of doing dishes.   
  


Bucky grabbed Steve's arm and escaped outside before they could be wrangled into helping. His eyes glittered with mirth. "Let's go to my treehouse."   
  


"Ain't we gettin' a bit old for treehouses, Buck?" Steve scoffed.

"Ain't no one gonna bother us there," Bucky said pointedly. 

Steves eyes widened as he realized what Bucky was saying. His Johnson took immediate interest as well! Man, he was glad he didn't sprout boners like regular fellas. "Okay," he agreed quickly.   
  
They climbed into the small treehouse that Bucky had had since he was six. The kids furniture had been replaced by several sleeping bags and pillows that Bucky had squirrelled away over time and a single mattress that he'd found discarded behind the general store. There were a few books and peculiar gadgets that Bucky liked to tinker with. 

Steve wasn't thinking about any of those things however. His eyes were focused on Bucky; whose gaze was on Steve's face; perusing each feature hungrily. "Ya wanna kiss?" Steve whispered shyly. He'd been thinking of little else than that brush of Bucky's plump lips on his yesterday.   
  


Bucky nodded, putting one hand softly at Steve's neck and pulling him in until they were touching. 

Steve could hardly contain the nervous desires. He wrapped his clammy hands in Bucky's shirt, and pulled him down to his own height. Bucky's lips were soft and he tasted like cherry pie when Steve experimented by licking into Bucky's mouth. 

Bucky became a bit more aggressive and stuck his tongue into Steve's mouth then. 

Steve closed his eyes, tuning in to the feel of Bucky's tongue and the taste of him. He never wanted to stop! 

When they finally pulled apart, Steve swiped a sleeve across his mouth and tried to decide if he should break the electrified silence between them. He couldn't pull his eyes away from Bucky's flushed face and blown pupils. He was breathing heavily.   
Was this what Bucky's numerous girlfriends saw? No wonder he was so popular with the women!   
He felt an unnerving stab of jealousy mar the happiness. They could never be seen together. He knew that. But thinking of Bucky kissing others like he'd just kissed **_him_** left an ache in his gut.

Bucky's eyes had grown soft. "Stevie, c'mon back ta me. Whassa matter?"

Steve blushed hard. "Nothin! It's... nothin." 

Bucky sighed. "I know that look. Somethin's bothering you." 

Steve bit his lip, frowning. "Just wishin' it was lawful for us to be together."

"Oh," Bucky said in understanding. "I use the girls as a cover, baby. That's all." 

Steve's heart thrilled at the use of the pet name. "Alright. I can live with that. S'long as the kissing' is jes for show."

Bucky grinned. "C'mere and forget the girls. You're the only one I want." 

Steve went willingly into Bucky's arms again. Bucky's lips were soft and inviting this time. 

After a few moments Steve became intensely aware of the hardness poking his stomach. He slowly turned his face up and brushed his lips over Bucky's in a last kiss.   
If they were ever caught this would be the last time, and he definitely didn't want that. 

"Ya might wanna take care o' that 'fore we go back inside." He backed away just enough to see the front of Bucky's pants tented out. "Geez Buck!" He had to admit he'd only seen Bucky naked a handful of times but never fully erect like this.   
  
Bucky's cheeks were scarlet with embarrassment and the heat of the moment. "Sorry. It'll go away yet." He looked away, calming his breathing. "Happens when I think 'bout you too."

Steve eyed him carefully. "Yeah? It's pretty normal. Seriously if you wanna...ya know, I'll leave and stand guard."

"Whaddaya mean?" Bucky whispered, confusion clear in his face. 

"Ya know...? Rub one out?" All this talk of sex was even making him hard. He cupped the front of his pants to adjust. "I ain't always able to but feels good when I do."

Bucky looked at him in wide eyed fear. "You touch yourself? Steve! Ain't supposed to!!"

Steve looked at him. "Buck, have you....never touched yourself?" 

Bucky looked very vulnerable and Steve was at a loss. "I guess I just thought with all the girls...." He trailed off at Bucky's wounded look. 

"Course I've touched it!...." He looked miffed. "I touch it ta have a piss every time, an' when I'm washing. Like really, Steve?" He scowled. 

Steve arched an eyebrow. "What??" He was surprised!

Bucky chewed his lip uncomfortably and Steve realized he very much wanted to kiss him again. He was stunned by this revelation that Bucky had never actually jacked off to completion or taken a girl like that. "So you never ejaculated?"

Bucky looked away. "Don't even know that word," he whispered. 

"Oh my gosh, Buck," Steve said in some awe. "You're a virgin!? Thought you were with Sally last weekend!"

Bucky turned angry eyes on him. "Ain't you?"

"Well, yeah," Steve conceded, "But I ain't never been with a girl neither."

Bucky's face was so red he was starting to resemble a tomato. "This don't happen when I'm with the girls. Sally wanted to touch it but we jes talked for a bit instead."

Steve fell silent for a bit, pondering this revelation. "Like....never?"  
  
Bucky threw himself onto the mattress face down. "I don't think I wanna talk about it!" 

Steve gentled. "Buck, it's okay. I got a nurse mama. She tells me a lotta stuff that no one else teaches us."

"Like what?" Bucky asked, his tone still a little surly, but at least he turned his face up to see Steve.

"Like touching your Johnson and rubbin' one out ain't gonna make you go blind." Steve smiled a little. 

Bucky snorted. "I know!.." Well, he knew NOW! It wasn't that he'd NEVER rubbed himself on the bed or anything. But the guilt always stopped him before anything happened. Even when he'd wake up with wet sticky underwear he felt so guilty. Maybe Steve knew about this too?

"Stevie," his voice was a bare whisper, reflecting his embarrassment. "Do you ever have that where ya wake up with wet underwear from dreamin?"

Steve nodded. "It's called a wet dream or nocturnal emission. It happens. Unless you mean like peeing the bed? Then--" He quickly caught himself. What the HELL was he saying!!?

"No!" Bucky exclaimed. "Not...not WETTIN' the bed. It's jes kinda sticky and itchy." 

Steve smiled a bit to ease Bucky's obvious discomfort. "Yeah that's a wet dream."

"But...." Bucky was confused. "How do ya control it?" 

"Ya don't," Steve said simply. "It's like wetting the bed...." he cringed at his analogy. Now he had that on the brain! He met Bucky's eyes. "Ya can't help it."

Bucky sighed. "At least all the talkin' made it go away. I ain't wet the bed in awhile. Thank goodness."

Steve's eyes widened. "Have ya? In the past?" Maybe he wasn't alone in this awful affliction. There was a reason he didn't sleep in the same bed as Bucky. 

Bucky's cheeks flushed again and he studied the floor. "That's a weird question, ain't? But-"

"Bucky! Steve! Where are you two?" Becca called. "Ma needs ya."

The boys looked at each other then scrambled to get down.

Bucky was really thankful the conversation had been cut off. He didn't even know why he'd brought it up! He figured he might never get over his embarrassment.

Ever. 


End file.
